Blood-soaked hands but a heart pulsating in ocean waves, I foraged the fire for so long, only to accept: some flames ignite blue.
An honest, passionate, and blazing record —an emotional whirlwind that comes before self-acceptance. This record involved a lot of crying (happy, sad, angry, hopeless, euphoric), looking at things I didn't see then in a new light and furiously writing about them until they became my favourite fragments about myself.
A mosaic of memories you splattered in blue. I see your hallucinations, I keep seeing you.
SONGS I WROTE ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR
Exactly four years ago I put together a concept of feeling this spectrum of emotions in the same space - sitting there, writing them - every single time a new fable, every single time a different colour sheds.
I’ve burst into flames there, the water seeped through the walls and sank me in - the tree found it’s way in through the floor traps - I swear at some point there opened a portal to another universe in the front wall and all these nine colours slowly painted me.
I'LL FIND YOU (SAINT LAGO REMIX)
Growing up, the only way I’d look at life was through rose coloured glasses but the more time I spent in the world the more I was learning for that to be a childish dream. Over the past few days I’ve unlearnt that. You see, I believe that the greatest gift in life is to love the little things, to love absolutely any and everything you wish to, be irrevocably in love with love and you’ll start finding it in everything. I still think the universe is filled with magic and love and although there may be storms, I’ve learned to look at them as the beginning of something new rather than an ending.
I hope you find love - in yourself, in someone, in multiple people or things and in this universe.
I'LL FIND YOU
As a kid I didn’t know much about love, but there was always this haze. This picture of someone I once met by sea, someone with a tendency to get lost in the pines, someone who really knew me. I still don’t know much about love, perhaps even less, but for the longest time there’s been a part of me that aches to look for him.
“I’ll Find You” grows from a time I was struggling so much to fight between what’s real and what’s a fragment of my imagination - and lately I’ve been again. I’ve been told I can’t draw the line between fables and reality but that’s because there isn’t one in my head. I think when we sat next to the fire, I left a part of my soul with you there. But here’s a fable I actually never wanted to share with the world, but the words jumped off the pages and made a little world for themselves again.